I have found my favorite horoscope service: Chani Nicholas. The horoscopes are detailed and thoughtful. Often, they read like poetry. Sometimes I print them out and carry them around with me. This week’s makes me giggle because I, maybe stupidly, joined a (free) online dating service. Again. I know. You’re shaking your head, aren’t you? You’re probably right. Here’s how my horoscope opens:
Pause to remember the conversations you have had lately. Look at your call history. Notice the sentiments in your inbox. Check the mailbox.
There’s some big news coming your way.
The word might come by way of strangers, siblings, neighbors, letter-carrying owls or lovers. Anyone who comes bearing messages that make you stop and reconsider, reconstruct or reconfigure your inner worldview will be a part of this process.
Perhaps some has already come. Perhaps they’ve been piling up. Time to open up. Time to see the love that’s written you a letter.
Yeeeaah. Well, I don’t know if LOVE has written me a letter (though, of course, the week’s not over yet.), but a bunch of weird men have. Most of them read as follows:
“hey how r u”
I am blocking you, dud(e), that’s how i m.
Insecurity makes poor intellectuals of us all. It’s near impossible to think critically when we are desperate. It’s tremendously difficult to dream our way to a new world when all we can think about is how hungry we are. It’s easy to mistake kindness for criticism when we see through the eyes of scarcity.
There seems to be a lot of scarcity out there, me included. There also seem to be a lot of men unable to write, think or get decent photographs taken of themselves. One guy in particular posted a photo of him and a woman whose FACE WAS CUT OUT. And not cut out particularly carefully. Cut out in anger. The fact that he didn’t bother to crop this photo speaks volumes. Desperate and hungry. And not for me. No thank you.
So, I’m just poking around for now, scrolling past the many Behind the Wheel of My Ride photos, the Caught a Fish and/or Kissing the Fish I Caught photos, the Bathroom Mirror and Half Clothed photos, and the Chopped Off at the Neck photos.
The site really wants to set me up with guys in NY despite my filters and settings. They are bearing messages but they aren’t ones I want. I don’t want a pen pal. I just want to go out and do something fun with someone male.
The Mercury-in-retrograde thing finally goes away on Saturday so we’ll see if some better, more literate letter-bearing owls show up on my window sill.