Brain Dump

Right Brain: I had the weirdest dream last night.

Left Brain: This morning.

RB: What?

LB: This morning. You had it right before waking up, right?

RB: Yeah…

LB: Then it was morning. A.M.

RB: Whatever. Can I tell it to you?

LB: Will it take long? Because we have a shitload of stuff to do still.

RB: It’s almost 8:30pm! Ten minutes. Can you give me ten minutes of your precious time?

LB: Sigh. Okay. Ten minutes. But it’s getting dark. We need to bring the guinea pig in. And the cake will be done soon.


LB: Hurry up.

RB: Okay, so I had this dream that I was taking out a splinter from my big toe….

LB: [yawns] Uh huh?

RB: Jesus. Can you at least PRETEND you’re interested? It’s actually not boring.

LB: Can you give me just a sec? I really need to bring the guinea pig in. Sun’s going down. Oh, and did you hear that chewing noise in the walls last night? What the hell was that?

RB: Yes. I don’t know. We looked outside. With the flashlight. We checked both sides of the wall. Nothing! Can I just….

LB: Hang on! [Runs out to get guinea pig]

RB: Ooh, the sky is nice. The clouds are interesting. This is the first night it hasn’t rained in ages!

LB: We need to mow the back tomorrow. Before it rains again. Look, he ate all the clover in his pen. He likes clover. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could put wheels on the pen and motorize it so it’d slowly work its way across the yard like a guinea pig Roomba or something? We’d never have to mow the back yard again.

RB: We aren’t that smart. No tools.

LB: Sigh. You’re right. Oh shit! The cake! [checks cake] 5 more minutes. Remind me – five more minutes.

RB: Can I finish my thought?

LB: Who’s stopping you?

RB: You are.

LB: Sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, we should find the blue paint for the bookshelf. Did we measure it? Where should it go?

RB: OMG shut up for a second! My dream! My splinter!

LB: Okay…. [thinks about the cake, the bookshelf, the paint, marching band, August calendar, how long to wait for cake to cool before icing can be spread on it…] Go ahead. Your dream.

RB: Yes. I dreamed I had a splinter in my big toe. I didn’t even know it was there. I hadn’t felt it. No pain – you know how usually you can feel it in there? It’s sore when you touch it or put pressure on it? I don’t even know how I know it was even in there. I pulled it out and it was an entire toothpick! Inches long! I couldn’t figure out how it’d even fit in my big toe much less how I’d never known it was there. Isn’t that weird? How your body can have something in it that you aren’t even aware of? How I should have felt it? It should have caused me pain, but didn’t?

LB: Cake! [pulls cake out of oven.] Ten minutes to cool. Remind me: ten minutes.

RB: It’s weird, it’s like life. There are things in your life that should cause pain, or maybe they do, but you’re so used to them that you don’t even feel them anymore. They’re ‘normal’ to you.

LB: Oh, so you’re going to turn this into a metaphor now?

RB: I just think it’s interesting. I mean, for years, I went around thinking that my life, the way I respond to things, the way I thought love was….totally normal! Or, not normal, but….how do you know what’s normal? It’s a head scratcher. I don’t even know what love is anymore. Apart from the love I feel for my children. Romantic love, I mean. I don’t understand people who have been able to have these amazing long term relationships work. They still love each other, care for each other, forgive each other. How does that work?

LB: Has it been ten minutes? Because I really want some cake before we watch Fargo.

RB: Should we really eat while we’re watching that? Last night’s episode was pretty gross.

LB: Cake! Chocolate cake! Just look away when the butchery begins.

RB: Yes, but don’t you wonder if we’ll ever find another person to love? Who will love us?

LB: How did you get from a splinter in your toe (a dream splinter in a dream toe) to love? English majors. Good grief. Can you stay with me a minute?

RB: What if we never find anyone? What if we’re alone for the rest of our lives?

LB: How is that bad? Look at all we’re getting done while we’ve been alone this summer!

RB: Don’t you miss….certain aspects?

LB: Well, yeah, but do you really want to share space with someone again? I mean, what if they make fun of how you do things or put down your taste in music?

RB: Let’s not talk about those people. We aren’t friends with them anymore. We don’t associate with haters. Remember? We’ve sloughed off people who aren’t good for us.

LB: What if we meet someone who’s really great, good looking, good in bed, great cook, sweet and kind and thoughtful and…..they like the Grateful Dead? Or country music? Or won’t go anywhere without his dog? Or insist on frying up bacon every morning?

RB: Cart before the horse. The cake smells good.

LB: Has it been ten minutes?

RB: I don’t know. Let’s ice it anyway. I need cake.

LB: Do we have to wash the pans tonight? Because I’ve already done the dishes. Twice.

RB: Leave them until tomorrow. Let’s eat cake!

LB: Sounds like a plan.

RB: I had a dream once about cake…..

LB: Please. No.

RB: I’ll tell you about it later when we’re awake at 2:00am and can’t get back to sleep.

LB: That’s when I make my best lists!

RB: You are no fun.

LB: You’re welcome.

RB: But seriously, what was in the walls making that chewing noise last night? Should we be worried?

LB: Probably. I’ll add it to the list of things to worry about when we’re up later.


3 thoughts on “Brain Dump

  1. Um you actually featured in my dream last night (it’s morning to me now). No joke, but it was all you, not divided into the R/L brains.

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