Title Optional

I’d promised myself I wouldn’t write again until I had something positive (ie, non weather-bitching related) to say. Seems that might never happen. It’s snowing again. And apparently it’ll never go away. This depresses me in so many ways, I can’t even express the depth and breath of my deep winter depression. I thought Girl Scout cookie sales (of which I’m in charge of for our nascent troop) would give me a focus, get me over the hump, but now the snow’s back and wreaking havoc on that. I need to fill an order and I’m not sure I will be able to.

I can’t seem to keep my house clean. It’s filled with trash that should be driven to the dump but….the dump isn’t reachable because of the weather. The four plus inches of ice and snow on the ground….five to six in town….the whole state’s just thrown up its hands. Uncle!
The children are pleased to roll in sloth but the walls are closing in.

One cat didn’t come home today until 2pm. Where he was is anyone’s guess. Haven’t seen Charlie since Sunday morning. Ah, Sunday! You were so warm and pleasant! Even the guinea pig was able to bask in the warmth you possessed. We all loved you, Sunday! You almost reached 70 degrees! And then we piled in the car and halfway through a very successful booth sale at a sorority house…..you turned dark and cold. Sour winds blew. Rain fell. We shivered. In the end, we drove to the grocery store to stock up ( booze and snacks, mainly). Got gas for the car I parked at the end of the driveway. Oh, Sunday. Oh, March. What a tease you are! April isn’t the cruelest month. March is the bitchiest bitch there is.

How could you DO this to me?! March snows are not unprecedented. Not by any means. But tomorrow will be the TENTH day this winter that the children have not had school because of bad weather. THAT, my fucking season frenemy, is unprecendented. THAT. Is unacceptable.

It’s not even the cold that’s the problem. It’s being stuck in the house, unable to do the most basic chores. It’s the constant rescheduling of appointments and events. It’s wasting my vacation days on winter cabin fever. It’s not even being able to get all this recycling and garbage out of my house!

I made muffins this morning. Two different batches; one for each child. I washed a sinkful of dishes three times today. Red lost a tooth. The tooth fairy pulls from the savings, such as they are, because I can’t get to a bank. I’m done. Finished. There’s nothing left.

I cry uncle. I can’t write, I can’t think. We’re all getting punch drunk. Sunday was such a tease. I sat on the deck for a short time and remembered what real life was like. What it had been like to walk outside and not have the door stand open because the snow was blocking it. The back storm door won’t shut anymore. There’s too much snow in the way. I don’t have the strength, the fortitude, the giving-a-shit to kick it out of the way anymore to firmly close the door. I just don’t care. I don’t.
I didn’t even have the wherewithal to vacuum today. The place is filthy and I had an entire day in which to do something about it and….I just don’t care anymore. I don’t.

And here’s the kicker: there’s more on the way. More bad weather. On TOP OF fucking daylight saving time next Sunday, a thing I hate almost more than I hate winter. It’s insult to injury. Bad enough I’ll never see 75 degrees again. Bad enough I’ll never be able to plant the seeds I bought in January. But soon it’ll be earlier and darker every day. It’ll be like waking up in Arkansas until November.

No thank you. No. I quit.

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One thought on “Title Optional

  1. Winter blows! This winter in particular. I swear I exercise to keep sane from it. Cabin fever quite literally makes me feel outside myself. I am an outdoors, island, hot girl who refuses to play by the rules of winter, and sometimes fall. I diagnose myself with seasonal affective disorder come some winters. I OVERstand! We’ve been through the wringer here with winter.

    Soon comes the sun though. It simply must. Praying for your strength (and mine) to wait for it. Praying for an even shorter wait, my friend. 🙂

    Oh wait, this made for some terribly good writing!

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