The cold and snow are starting to get to me. The stress of a week of school closures, work deadlines (that were already delayed due to an office move) and my mother’s recent accident that’s required my attention and numerous trips to town, in addition to all the daily chores and must-dos, finally came to a head this evening as I suddenly had to rush from the office to pick up Red when the after-school program decided to close early ahead of the current storm. I was in the middle catching up on a back log of work, was supposed to guide Girl Scouts through a project later (which I hadn’t prepared for, see above), and had just pulled together the cookie order spreadsheet, and was attempting to draft the skeleton of a presentation I’ll be making in the spring.

Spring. Remind me what that is. I almost remember being warm. I almost remember the exquisite dullness of an average boring week where you can stroll outside. I almost remember a time when I could simply stroll outside with a bag for the compost bin without stumbling in the darkness, without bundling up first. Without cursing as the bitter wind finds that one uncovered spot at my neck despite all efforts to wrap two different scarves around it. Clearly I haven’t mastered that skill. The doors must stay closed to keep out the weather but they also block when little sun there is these days. The house plants are disconsolate. Despite my garden planning, the ordering of seeds and plants, the things I do to remind myself that this won’t last forever, this dreadful horrible winter, nothing’s working this year. The SAD is kicking in and kicking my butt. Any positive, happy feelings are hard to come by.

It feels like End of Times. Suddenly, this song popped into my mind.

It’s funny what will suddenly pop into your head. I did just want to cry but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Regardless of what Rosey Grier thinks, sometimes it just doesn’t make you feel better. Sometimes you just have to push through. Do what needs to be done. Get to the other side, assuming there is one.

And, of course, school is closed again tomorrow. It’s the winter that never ends. The winter of my severe discontent.


2 thoughts on “Discontented

  1. You know that normally I’m fine with winter. But not this year. The cold is so extreme and it’s lasting and lasting so long that I’m just done. I ended up piling probably six blankets on the bed last night. I even got a little hot and I didn’t care one bit.

    I wish I could send you our sun, although honestly the only thing the sun does is mock us. It should be warm what with all that lovely sunshine right? Right?!? No, no it’s not.

  2. Winter has been especially shitty in my neck of the woods as well. (Not bad relative to what you are enduring, but bad for here.) While watching the news earlier this evening, I yelled, “No one wants to hear this! Shut the fuck up!” at the weatherman when he announced another arctic blast heading our way.

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