First Thoughts

First Question: What are usually your first thoughts as you wake up in the morning?

I’ve tried really hard to remember to notice this and….I’ve failed. Most normal work mornings, when I get up before the sun, my first thought is a bad word that rhymes with duck, luck, and suck. I’ve had two glorious weeks without needing an alarm clock and my first thoughts are usually, “What time is it? Oh, is it only 7:30? Shit, back to sleep I go.” And I lie in a pleasant stupor of half awake/half asleep luxury for another half an hour or hour before finally getting up. It’s often a matter of whether my bladder is yelling at me or not.

I also tend to have very elaborate and interesting dreams right before waking and I try to grasp at the tendrils of the fog of them as they dissipate around me but I’m really bad at writing things down first thing and by the time I’ve reached the bathroom, it’s all gone.

I’m really bad at a lot of things I’d like to do. I lack the necessary discipline. I have done The Artist’s Way all the way through (on the second try) but failed on Vein of Gold (Julia Cameron’s follow up). I might try it again this year but I have trouble with anything that requires me to do something every single day. I’m much better at once a week. And, even with The Artist’s Way, I wasn’t always 100% writing morning pages every day and certainly not first thing in the morning. And now that I am single mom and must rise before the dawn (and am NOT a morning person), there is simply no way in hell I’m going to get up even earlier to write three pages before turning on the coffee maker and getting in the shower. It’s just not going to happen. I do not function well in the morning and it’s truly a miracle that I’ve managed to NOT fuck up (oh, there’s that word) the morning routine since The New Era began.

I really want to do 100 Happy Days but what’s keeping me from plunging right in is the whole “100 days in a row, don’t skip one or you lose” bit. I think, as a person with children who works 5/40 and is responsible for a household that includes said children, 3 cats, one guinea pig and a garden, I should be given a little slack here. And, January is already so full of must-dos that I hate to bite off more than I can chew. Which is something I seem to excel at. So. I will mull it over and if I do decide to do it, I’ll post my daily photo here and write about it. Or write about something. Which means I have to commit to writing here every single day again. This used to not be a problem. I used to write every day. It was what I did and who I was. And I ended up with an uncompleted shitty novel. So, diving back into it all is a bit…frightening. 2014 will be full of new frightening things. I think I’m up for it but I hope I won’t be dinged if I skip a day or a week because I was busy living life outside of the internet, the computer.

I’ll do my best. I really will. Pinky swear.


4 thoughts on “First Thoughts

  1. I’m not a morning person, either. In fact, when I answered that question myself, years ago, it was all about the word that rhymes with “duck,” too. Great minds think alike!

  2. Recently, I have been having nightmares right before waking (does that make them morningmares?) and have been waking up in some kind of panic – trying to escape a fire, trying to find my way out of unfamiliar territory. I don’t recommend this. My normal wake up routine involves not turning on any kind of light until absolutely necessary. Less jarring to sneak around in the dark on cat feet for the first hour or so.

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