Some days I feel like I’ve been played as a sucker. I did the whole “amazing unexpected gift” thing with the locally-made record cabinet you aren’t taking with you because it’s too big and heavy (fuck you) and the hammock (locally made!) and the replacement hammock. It was never worth surprising you with a trip because you never wanted to go anywhere. I got the Barnes & Noble kit for the person you don’t really know but have to buy a gift for. The gnome with the useless book. The gnome that was 6″ tall. I’m not sure what that said but it wasn’t good. In terms of “long term marriage viability”.
And when you nickel and dime me over monetary issues, all I want to do is punch you in the face. I’m the person who has tried to make the children’s interests come to life. I’m the one that’s shown them the small corner of the world I’ve been capable of. I’m the one willing to spend my “free time” figuring out this Girl Scout stuff. I’m the one.
I’m the fucking one.
You are the one who has done the absolute minimum and then falls asleep on the couch. Who actually thinks we want to watch the same Simpsons episode again so you can see what you missed while you were snoozing.